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Monday, March 18, 2013

gonna Ferris Bueller it today!

do you ever have one of those days where you have SO much to get done and SO much to star and SO much to look over that you just want to blow it all off and go see a movie and get a starbucks and just shop and watch tv and do nothing else??? thats what i'm doing today. I am on OVERLOAD with shit to get done and I just feel like I'm going crazy so guess what, I am taking the whole day off!!!!!!! and I'll just regroup it all tomorrow...

if ferris bueller has taught us anything, its that life is too short and it moves way too fucking fast! you really need to go out and enjoy yourself. I don't do that enough and I definitely don't have spontaneous days like today is going to be enough. its 1 pm and I'm gonna go catch a 2 pm matinee, go to the mall, eat a slice of pizza, pick up some of the new MAC mineralized rich lipsticks and come home and just veg the fuck out...why?! cause I can, and I need to!!!!!!!

work can wait, phone calls can is all about ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I give ZERO fucks today :)


Friday, March 15, 2013

"Nathan for You" on Comedy Central

pics from last night's "Nathan for You" on Comedy Central. this was one of the weirdest gigs I've worked on where I was literally in the dark about why I was there and what I was was even stranger to watch on tv. did you all catch it? what did you think???

you can watch reruns this weekend on Comedy Central or watch it online Comedy Central's Website

I was only suppose to do the "liquor store" segment but they asked me to come back ;) had to rock my signature pink ;)


my appearance on comedy central - tim and eric awesome show! season cinco! "puberty"

and of course my latest appearances on Tosh.0! 




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Wednesday, March 13, 2013


"smile though your heart is aching, smile even though its breaking..."

a broken heart can lead to death, I don't care what anyone says.

no matter how strong a person is, sometimes a broken heart will eventually shatter......

if you have a broken heart, be around friends or family...and if you don't have anyone pray to God to mend your one and only heart that He gave you

if you know someone who may have a broken heart, nurture and love that person. don't try and toughen them up or make them forget about the pain. go through it with them, feel their emotions and let them know that the love you have for them is never going to go away.

we all need to be loved. thats a human NEED.

every morning you wake up, perhaps your heart is still broken but find a way to SMILE. force that smile, feed that smile, appreciate that SMILE

for even a smile that may be faked could eventually become real.

"fake it til you make it" - its true. I've been doing that my whole life ;) I promise you its worked in all aspects thus far....I'll let you know if its miraculous enough to cure this evil thing we know as a broken heart </3

"smile, whats the use of crying? you'll find that lifes worthwhile, if you just SMILE"

sweet child o mine

"I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain"

guns n roses have been singing straight to my soul as of late. I can't help but cry when I hear sweet child o mine for some reason. it use to play in the strip club when I would dance and I thought it was a pretty song but listening to it at this point in my life, thinking about that point of my life and all the people who've come and gone throughout....I just get shaken, get the chills.

"where do we go from here?"

the ending of the song is just "where do we go from here?" my life is full of unanswered questions, uncertain feelings of the heart, uneasiness, and confusion...

where DO we go from here???? I'm asking this question and its not rhetorical


Friday, March 8, 2013

"former stripper becomes internet sensation"

oh dailymail, you sure know how to sell a story. I was featured in the dailymail today, to read their article about me click here

I have to say as far as british magazines go, this one is pretty accurate and pretty positive....they told mostly facts :) I got a giggle out of it.


Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Needs in Life

they say our five basic needs in life are food, water, oxygen, living space, and proper temperature. but alas I feel that I am not human as my needs are quite different.

I would say aside from food, water, oxygen, the single most important thing I need in my life, is LOVE. I've been in a constant battle with love in the sense that I don't really know what love is. I'm confused. I'm often showed love by the number of things people by me. My dad would take me to a toystore as a girl and I literally could have any and EVERY barbie I wanted. As an adult, men spoil me with purses, vacations, cars, etc. With all these people giving me material objects, I wonder is this love? is this love even though they don't want to spend time with me? they are willing to spend all their money on me but can't be bothered with me when its not convenient?

then I begin to think about love being about what you look like. am I uncapable of being loved because of the way I present myself? could be a theroy? how can you love a girl who craves attention and draws on her eyebrows? 

attention is my fifth need in life. without attention, I'd literally die. it feeds my soul, it fuels my energy and it drives my life.

life is sad.

life is beautiful.

but life is sad.

what do you NEED in life???

are you honest enough with yourself to know your needs???


Monday, March 4, 2013

youtube "celebrities" - jennamarbles, kassemg, and ME?!?!? what?!?

let me just say when someone tweeted me this article I thought it was a joke. it talks about youtube and the internet creating a new form of "celebrity" and while I can agree to the fact that jennamarbles and kassemg are certainly well known in this world of entertainment, hollywood, and planet earth....I was SHOCKED to see my name as the third one mentioned in the list of the three highlighted youtubers for honorable mention.

I was a little confused and very shocked, but more than anything humbled. I, often forget to realize, that people besides me and my sister actually WATCH my videos and get effected by them in some form....I suppose I should filter myself more...but then again, why start now???

check out the article here




hey fishiies <3 quick update for all you shopaholics!!!! this week only, my online store, has reduced all prices on sunglasses by 40% on all styles, both new and our classic frames :)

this will only last one week before prices go back to normal! no code required, everything is already marked down for easy breezy shopping beezyyy!



Sunday, March 3, 2013

looking for the silver lining

"I was a slut. There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself. I can forgive. Can you say the same for yourself, fucker? Can you forgive? Are you capable of that?"

the first time I watched "silver linings playbook", I was unimpressed and uninspired...I was actually depressed at the end of it...

I watched it for the second time this afternoon, I get these screeners in the mail for being a part of SAG, they send you the nominated movies to review and vote on, blah blah blah.

with everything that's happened in my life in the past couple months, I found the connection to these characters. I lost the love of my life when I was 20 years old, he was a personal assistant for Alice Cooper and took his own life. I was completely devastated because at that point, he was the only person I had known since moving to LA at the age of 18. he took care of everything for me and he was my only companion. I was devastated and I learned to block that part of my life out of my head. so I guess the first time watching SLP, I didn't relate because I didn't want to......

over the years of being a stripper and an escort, I've witnessed alot of awful things in relationships. its jaded me but its also made me crazy. alot like pat. I'd have certain triggers in my personal relationships that would be red flags as a cause of working in dirty clubs. 

"I opened up to you, and you judged me!" 

I think sometimes we get so scared to admit we have problems because we are afraid of others judging us, of the world judging us. you tell someone something and they promise they won't judge, but after a couple days, months, or years, you find out they really do. 

I'm scared to trust people but I'm also terrified of opening up. I like to deny my problems alot rather than facing them. As soon as anyone shows a hint of caring, I run. As soon as anyone tries to point out something I don't want to see, I run. the symbolism in "Silver Linings Playbook" of the two characters constantly running to and from each other is a theme that I most definitely identify with. I just find myself constantly running from everything rather than facing difficulties in life...its not a way to live.

I won't spoil the movie for you but if you have a chance to see it, I would. it deals with alot of mental struggles and that's my biggest battle. it makes you feel like you're not alone, that you're not crazy even when everyone around you thinks you are.

"maybe there's something we know, that you don't"

its okay to be a little crazy, we just gotta try and control it so it doesn't overtake us.



Sunday Morning Meditation

my favorite things to do on a sunday is eat, go to church and reflect...its my mediation day! I like to zone out, chill out, and focus on me. I think its good if we all take time for ourselves...the "me" time is something everyone needs. I like to go for a walk on the beach on sundays, by myself. maybe its because I'm single again or that I don't have a lot of friends, but walking by myself on the beach has helped me connect to God in a different way than church. I love church, I love hearing the word of God in the Gospels but when I'm walking on the beach, surrounded by everything God created, it just really broadens my mind.

the world is bigger than the latest makeup palette, the world is bigger than you and your significant other, the world is bigger than anything. bummed about your job? stressed out over finances? unhappy in a relationship? I advise you all to get on your knees and pray. Believe in SOMETHING. as I look out onto the ocean, I can't imagine how anyone thinks God does NOT exist. how did these beautiful waves come to be? How did these rocks and mountains form so majestically? How did I even get here? even scientists will tell you, science can not be complete without faith.

I think I'm getting too deep even inside my own head...

I guess the point of this blog is to encourage you all to reflect on what matters in life. I prayed three times today already just searching for direction, purpose, and a path. I want to do more, I want to be better. I reflect on this past week. Alot has happened in my life this past week. I'm dealing with a few stalking situations, had to get extra security which makes me feel like I'm in a prison a little, mending a broken heart, missing my family, and considering a new job...its a bit overwhelming to be honest...but I know I will get through it all because I've never NOT gotten through tough times.

think about it.....what are some of the toughest times you've gone through in life??? are you still here today? are you stronger because of it? are you more connected to God as a result of it???

I know I say yes. there were times in my life as a teenager, where I thought NOTHING IS EVER GOING TO GET BETTER, and even when I thought negative, God did a positive for me and pulled me through. He has pulled me through alot, and thankfully for me, and all of us, He is not going anywhere.....

even though I don't see the footprints in the sand next to me...I can feel Jesus walking on the beach with me. it just sends rays of happiness through my body.

I love you all and I hope you take time to reflect on the week, prepare for the upcoming days, and give thanks to God.

please don't forget to thank God because he didn't forget to wake you up this morning.

stay blessed