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Saturday, October 26, 2013

You're Here for a Reason!

this blog was inspired by a follower of mine on twitter, a beautiful girl who tweeted me a picture of her self harm wounds healing. her exact tweet was "I am stopping for you and they're starting to heal. Youre such an inspiration to me Trisha, thank you"

now I'm writing this blog because I was literally in tears from reading her tweet and seeing her cuts. I'm not in tears because I helped her but more because she did that to herself thinking she wasn't good enough, or deserving enough, of love, life or whatever issues she is/was dealing with.

I spent some time looking at her twitter, this girl looks happy, is absolutely stunning, and it just broke my heart for her that she would want to do that to herself. the bright side, she has STOPPED cutting and that means so much to me. her wounds are healing but that means so is she as a person. that brought even more tears to my eyes.

I'm not sure how specifically I helped her but I'm so glad I could and she inspired me to write this blog to maybe help others even if thats just 1 other....

and I met another girl at my book signing in Toronto back in August who had a similar story. again, I won't say names or go into specifics but she was a former cutter who also took a little time in knowing that she was worthy of AMAZING things.

know this......EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US ON EARTH ARE HERE FOR A REASON. there are NO accidents in Gods world. there are no coincidences.


look, I've never been suicidal nor have I self harmed, so I can't pretend to know what you're feeling. but I have been severely depressed in life, I've been on medications for depression, I've self medicated with drugs in the past, so I know what low feels like. I was a prostitute for 3 years of my life, ended up in the hospital twice from drugs, my body has been used and abused, I've never been one to have alot of friends, no genuine boyfriends, just people who want want want and take take take from me.

but you know what kept ME going? was knowing I was put on this earth for a reason. I knew in my heart, I was meant to do something great with my life. that these dark times were just temporary, I couldn't see the light but I had FAITH that it was there.....and I'm telling you once you catch a glimpse of that light, every struggle you've had will be worth it and you'll understand WHY. you may not understand it right now but you will, I promise.

we all have our crosses to bare in this world. Jesus carried the cross he was crucified on, don't forget that.

and don't let anyone tell you your problems are insignificant. just because there are kids actually starving in Africa or dying of aids, doesn't make your problems any less tough or difficult. cope with them in a healthy way. talk to adults, seek counseling, going to church helped me tremendously, meditate, find an activity you enjoy doing.....whatever it is, you will get through.

you have to put up with a little rain if you want to see the rainbow

and remember:


if you are currently self harming....PLEASE STOP. if you feel nobody loves you or wants you, they do. maybe somebody is out there waiting to give you unconditional love you don't feel you currently have. please have patience. nothing is more selfish than taking your own life. suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. the people you leave behind will be devastated, its not fair when so many people love you, even if you don't realize it. know that I love you and God loves you. I pray for every single one of you each night. I do. when I say my prayers, I pray that the people who read this blog, follow me on social media, helped me achieve this happiness I'm living now will find the same happiness in their lives. and I KNOW God will provide that for you.

happiness is easy to find if you realize what happiness is.

its not about being the prettiest, the skinniest, the most popular, the happiness is a choice you make everyday. even in my current state of living my dreams, I've had problems and headaches, everything from lawsuits to stalking but you know what, I don't let that get me down either.....I wake up EVERY SINGLE MORNING and say Trish, you're up another day, thank the Lord for that by praying and doing something positive with it.





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Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Weapons of Mass DISTRACTION

this may not be my most insightful blog I've ever written but its whats on my mind right now...

so last night I went to CVS (drugstore/pharmacy here in America if you don't know) and I really just threw on some jeans and the sleep shirt I was already wearing cause it was late, threw my hair up in a top knot, and literally zero makeup and went. I felt almost embarrassed that I was going out in public like I just felt so homeless and just not cute but I'm like whatever, I need toilet paper, milk, and chapstick and i need it know?

let me tell you ladies, clearly THIS is the outfit/look you need to go for if you're looking for male attention haha.

okay, well maybe just any outfit without a bra but you catch my drift ;)

like I love attention from the opposite sex but not the crude and crass kind that comes from late night CVS shoppers. it was around 10 pm and not 1, not 2, but a total of FOUR different men followed me around and attempted to hit on me

Potential Suitor #1 - this guy kind of creeped me out from the beginning. I was in the Halloween candy aisle and I saw him coming up behind me, so I slowly started to make my way out of the aisle without being obvious that I'm leaving cause he joined that section. as I lingered to look at the crappy candy at the end, he said something like "what kind of candy are you getting"? ugh, eyeroll, I'm like, "I don't know just looking" and then he's all "are you single"? and me being a crazy ass just not having time for this I was like "YES. but I have 5 kids at home" hoping he would be turned off by this (he was probably like my age so I assumed that'd creep him out) but instead he was like, "thats cool, I'd love to meet them" BWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< whaaaa?!??! RED FLAG. who the fuck says I want to meet your 5 kids after a 1 minute conversation at the drugstore? I was like "Yeah, I just don't have any free time and my cell phone service just got shut off" and like that I QUICKLY creeped away. just fyi potential suitor #1 came back around like 10 minutes after this encounter and stalked me to the toilet paper section and said I had a "cute smile" and again, I quickly darted away. he found me AGAIN and asked me for a hug, I gave him one but never in my life has a hug ever made me feel dirtier. 

Potential Suitor #2 - okay so this guy was a drive by. like he literally zoomed in and zoomed out just as quick as I rejected him. I saw him perving out by taking weird cell phone pics of me while I was looking at the milk. he was being such a douche from the beginning. he came over and said "I like your shirt" eyeroll, again. I was like "thanks" he goes on "it looks like it fits you really well" and I'm like "haha thank you" and he then says "I was kidding, its super tight fitting" and then I was all, "oh haha, I didn't get it, I'm extremely tired" he asked for a hug and then he pushed right then and there for the number and I said, "sorry I'm married" and he just said "yeah right, whatever" and walked away <<<<<<<<<< DOUCHE

Potential Suitor #3 - this was Mr. Persistent. I had seen him a few times, non coincidentally walking around as well. he was on the phone but kept following me. still in the milk aisle, he comes over. he's a fit, black dude, nice skin, smells good, whatever. he was very handsome and polite. he actually TALKED to me for a good 5 or 6 minutes but then he asked for my number, I was like "i don't know" and he's like "I teach yoga, maybe you can come to a class" and I'm like, "Um I don't like to workout" and he said something SO rude, I can't remember what but he's like "well you should" or something like that. needless to say, I did not give him my number, I just said "I'm gonna go" and he's like yelling after me "IT WAS A JOKE" in the store, so fact, one of the employees asked me if he was bothering me. ugh, he was now.

Potential Suitor #4 - winner winner chicken dinner. So this guy, unlike the others, was way more type. He was sweet and kind and middle aged. lol I think you can tell by the first 3 men why I don't prefer young boys, they're obnoxious and rude. so this guy, came over right when I was getting ready to check out. to be honest, I was a little rude to him because I kind of had had it at this point...can you blame me? like I literally felt like I was being molested and eye raped and was not really asking for it but whatever. so this guy started it out like a typical douche "I don't normally do this......." and whatever. he said he got off the phone so he could talk to me. he made eye contact the entire time. I was a little snotty and was like, "um, yeah you're like the 4th guy to come hit on me tonight, I get it, I'm not wearing a bra...." blah blah blah. but he went in for the home run, when he said, "no, its your face, you have like a perfect symmetrical face, its just so beautiful" <<<<<<<<<<< DING DING DING. that, gentlemen, is how you score with a chick. I totally gushed cause he was SUPER handsome, a jack wagner type, just so yum. needless to say we exchanged numbers. he actually asked for my email first if I felt comfortable, I said, let me just give you my card! hahahahah


point of this blog? not much other than, tits get you noticed. take from that what you will. if you want attention, show em....if you don't, you better duck tape those suckers down into a sportsbra and hide them under a sweatshirt and a wool jacket! 

oh men, such simple creatures, aren't they?

that was my monday night, how was yours?




Sunday, October 20, 2013

sunday morning coming down

happy sunday lil kumquats!

were you sinners last night?...well don't forget to repent today at mass!!! lol jk. I'm not gonna shove my religion down your throat....well not on this blog...on this day anyway ;) 

but really, if you're struggling in life or even if you're not, church is an AMAZING way to recharge your soul for the week. I prefer to go to night mass but they have services throughout the day on sundays usually

I'm telling you, there is no way to explain the energy and fulfillment I get when going to church. during my darkest times, it turned me around. when I needed a miracle most, He provided one for me. I'm telling you, I've WITNESSED 2 miracles in my 25 years on this earth.....real, unexplainable, illogical miracles....something only GOD would ever be capable of providing.

my life is no accident. I'm not here to be ordinary. you are not here to just get by. we were all created to be EXTRAORDINARY. so don't waste this life. don't waste this day.

remember to ALWAYS give thanks for what you have! what if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for last night????????

also, if you are struggling and life seems to just keep getting you down, please don't forget we all have our crosses to bare just as Jesus had. suffering here on earth is a part of the process of getting to heaven. I believe sometimes those that suffer the most here, get to heaven the fastest! 


okay, so I kind of forced my religion in this vlog, didn't I? well not so much forced as pushed.....because sometimes all we need is that little extra push.

even if you weren't brought up religious, its never too late to discover it.

my religion SAVED me in so many ways, none of you could ever understand. but believe me, I should not be alive right now....only by the grace of God am I still here. and I humbly get ON MY KNEES, morning, day and night to thank Him for that.

if you don't want to go to church, I encourage you all to at least try prayer....or baby steps it with just some silent meditation today, see if anything calls to you. I PROMISE you it'll change your life, maybe not today, but it will.....PROMISE

keep the faith, lovebugs!




Saturday, October 19, 2013

Sex and the Single Girl

hi all. so its saturday night and I just got paid...but not laid. lol

okay so lets talk sex.

casual sex can be fun but it loses its appeal after awhile, right??? I mean I've been single for almost 18 months now (omg a YEAR AND A HALF?!?!?) but obvi, I'm a 25 year old girl with needs and well, lets face it, my acrylic nails are not the best for a party of one playtime ;) 

anyway. I've been having this fling with this hotttt guy but he's kind of an asshole (amazing sex but whatever) how much do we really let guys get away with for amazing sex? for me, its ALOT. I put up with alot of shit because its SO hard for me to find someone I'm sexually attracted to and compatible with. like I'm actually VERY pick when it comes to sex. I don't have sex with anybody that doesn't give me butterflies. I'm not talking the "I'm in love with you lets get married" butterflies but more of the "I can't wait to rip off your clothes" butterflies (but honesty time, its usually a little bit of both for me)

I am a VERY emotional and easily attached person. if I like somebody, I LIIIIIIIIKE them. you know? I find myself getting attached to guys WAY too easily when I know its just a fling or whatever. so what do we do, single ladies of legal age?

well for me, I think I figured this out....

this gentlemen is about twice my age (which I find INCREDIBLY hot and naughty ;)), the fact that he's older than my dad is just RAWR, I'm a freak, but whatever. you knew that ;) but the problem with MOST older men/younger chix relationship is they see you as just fun, just a piece of ass....

now you have 2 options when you come to the realization you're just a toy....

1) cut it off cold. don't get hurt anymore than you already have (chances are YOU really liked him and thought it could be serious, he just didn't)


2) keep going with it BUT detaching completely. easier said than done but here's the trick....

to detach your emotions to a guy you thought were in love with but realized it was just lust can be more simple than you think; 

KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN - cause lets face it, amazing sex is better than no sex, am I right? you don't want to be super slutty because that's just bad for your health (multiple partners increases your risk of disease, condoms or no condoms) BUT don't shut out potential daters. if you find yourself going on dates and wanting to get to that level of being intimate DUMP YOUR FLING FIRST. nothing is worse than banging all these guys at messes with your head, heart and body.....its no good for YOU! take it from a former super slut, this will only end up hurting your soul in the end.

DON'T CANCEL PLANS FOR HIM - oh girl, let me tell you, I use to wait by the phone all hours of the day and night hoping to get a text from loverboy. I would not go out with girlfriends, cancel shoots, and all this other crazy stuff in hopes that he might call and want to hook up. BIG MISTAKE. this leads you to feeling rejected and irritated when he doesn't call. you'll find yourself stalking his twitter, finding out he was at a bar last saturday night and you drunk texting him calling him terrible names. don't do this to yourself. go out and have fun. if he really wants to keep getting your goodies, he will just have to make plans with you like everybody else 

AVOID HIM ON SOCIAL MEDIA - don't facebook friend him or follow him on instagram. chances are you may read way too into something that may or may not actually be there. the less you know about your fling's personal and professional life the better. keep it simple, keep it safe. 

oh single ladies, its not easy for us is it? society and dating has become this whole other monster really. all guys want is ass and girls want it too, but why can't we get the cuddling with it? and if you want a real committed relationship in LA or really any major city, good luck sister. haha. if I'm not in a serious relationship by this time next year, I'm moving to Alaska to find me a fisherman (plus I hear the male to female ratio up there is INSANELY in our favor ;))

hope this late night, wine-induced rambling was helpful to some....or at least entertaining. editing my life away on tomorrow's video....working on a saturday night, yep, I'm definitely an adult, a boring old adult. yay!



Thursday, October 17, 2013

Thank You.

I woke up this morning to the above image on my computer. #1 on Amazon's Movers and Shakers and I just could hardly breathe.

I stared at my screen for probably 10 minutes, just smiling and then I found tears coming out of my eyes. These past 3 or 4 weeks have been filled with sleepless nights and a ton of emotions....there is no real reason or justification for this, I can't figure it out. I just feel excited all the time. Like everyday is Christmas morning, its as if my excitement for the next day of my life is so overwhelming, I don't want to sleep, I just want to experience the day.

When I die, one thing can be certain, I lived my life to the fullest and I did it MY WAY (hats off Mr. Sinatra) seriously, this life of mine has not been perfect by any means but its so much fun and its just so amazing that I wake up every morning, get on my knees and thank God for giving me breath another day. There is so much good in this world, its just overwhelming at times.

Now....this morning, I started tearing up because "The Stripper Diaries" is a book transcribed/published in probably what is now the best time of my life, ironically, translating the worst time in my life. When I was sent a copy to proof, I couldn't even make it through the whole book. When I was transcribing it, I was drinking heavily (I never had a problem with alcohol, its just something I do to numb sometimes....but very rarely) I would drink while transcribing because I didn't want to feel any emotion. As soon as I started proof reading it (off of alcohol cause I've been watching my calories) - I couldn't help but start feeling the EXACT feelings/emotions I had in the moment I actually wrote these entries. It was almost as if it was a dream, I was being suffocated, captured, tormented, just like I was back then. I couldn't get through the whole thing. I asked for a second round of editing while still keeping my emotion and my writing style. There are many drug induced entries and it just broke MY heart to think I could have ever been so low.....and I did it to myself :(

But YOU all have lifted me up. I started youtube on January 3, 2007. I made videos to channel creativity. I made videos to entertain myself. I made videos to be happy. Never knowing that youtube would become such a big part of my life.....but much more, never knowing that complete strangers would become an extended part of my family.

I now have over 450,000 family members fishys!!!! My fishys are so supportive and loving....something I haven't experienced a lot in my real life. My dad was always a hard ass on me, trying to force me to do things his way and never listening to me growing up. My mom was more of a friend who was on the opposite end of the spectrum, showing not alot of guidance I so desperately needed in figuring out my life. My brother and sister so consumed with their own lives growing up, focused on school. In my family, I have always been known as the "loose cannon" and just last week my brother said to me, "who knew you'd be the one to have her life together" hahaha. I'm not 100% sure what that means, I think its more of just like, I KNOW what I want to do, I'm doing what I LOVE to do, I'm self sufficient and happy and really, literally LIVING MY DREAM. how many people can say that?

but no matter how much talent a person has, how much drive a person has, in the world of entertainment, your success is dependent upon your "fans"

now if you followed me for awhile you know I don't like the term "fans" because I don't feel like I do anything worthy of "fans". I don't sing or dance, I'm not an actress or a great writer, I'm just Trish. but alot of you have pointed out to me that the term "fan" can just mean admirer or supporter or both. You support what I'm doing and you admire something about me....and you know what, instead of fighting, I humbly accept that Trish has some "fans' hahaha. and I hope you know, I truly genuinely appreciate every single one of you....even the fishheads aka my haters.

When I go to bed at night, I pray for you all...that you may all find the happiness in life that you have brought to me. You have got me noticed by people who wouldn't have otherwise given me a second glance in Hollywood without the built in "fanbase".....

I know NONE of this would have been possible without YOU. and for continued success, I need YOU. so I only hope I can continue to entertain, inspired, encourage, etc anyway I possibly can because its truly what I LOVE.

its ironic that "The Stripper Diaries" video series on my youtube channel and now the book are my most popular. But now I'm beginning to see the real journey God has been putting me on from the beginning.

I went through ALOT of bullshit in my life, made MANY mistakes, and suffered the consequences. Now that I have a young group of girls' attention, I think its most important to be as real as I possibly can. If "The Stripper Diaries" is vulgar to you, I had to make it intense to convey the intensity of the real world of the sex industry, to sugar coat anything, would have been doing a disservice for my purpose right now. 

In conclusion, I am not a perfect person. I'm not extra special or extra ordinary. People often chastise me for being overtly sexual in nature or sometimes a tad crude for being a "role model". Well, I'll tell you this, I never asked to be a role model and if that title was thrusted upon me or girls think of me as one, then I want to be a role model because I am true to TRISH. I am myself and do not care no cave in to what people wish I was or want me to be. I dress too slutty for you? Don't look at me. I act too crazy for you? Don't watch me. 


theres just no way I'll ever be able to express the gratitude I have for each of you. there's no way I'll ever be able to pay back all the happiness you have brought to me. 

know that I am here for you. I do care for each of you as fans, followers, online friends, family, and human beings. 


for making "The Stripper Diaries" #1 on amazon


for loving me unconditionally, despite some of the outlandish things I do


for not juding.


for being there for me day after time.


for your support.


for your love.


for making my dreams a reality.


I sincerely do. and from the bottom of my heart I wish you nothing but love and happiness in your life. know that positivity feeds positivity. so keep spreading the love and it will all come back to you <3