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Thursday, October 17, 2013

Thank You.


I woke up this morning to the above image on my computer. #1 on Amazon's Movers and Shakers and I just could hardly breathe.

I stared at my screen for probably 10 minutes, just smiling and then I found tears coming out of my eyes. These past 3 or 4 weeks have been filled with sleepless nights and a ton of emotions....there is no real reason or justification for this, I can't figure it out. I just feel excited all the time. Like everyday is Christmas morning, its as if my excitement for the next day of my life is so overwhelming, I don't want to sleep, I just want to experience the day.

When I die, one thing can be certain, I lived my life to the fullest and I did it MY WAY (hats off Mr. Sinatra) seriously, this life of mine has not been perfect by any means but its so much fun and its just so amazing that I wake up every morning, get on my knees and thank God for giving me breath another day. There is so much good in this world, its just overwhelming at times.

Now....this morning, I started tearing up because "The Stripper Diaries" is a book transcribed/published in probably what is now the best time of my life, ironically, translating the worst time in my life. When I was sent a copy to proof, I couldn't even make it through the whole book. When I was transcribing it, I was drinking heavily (I never had a problem with alcohol, its just something I do to numb sometimes....but very rarely) I would drink while transcribing because I didn't want to feel any emotion. As soon as I started proof reading it (off of alcohol cause I've been watching my calories) - I couldn't help but start feeling the EXACT feelings/emotions I had in the moment I actually wrote these entries. It was almost as if it was a dream, I was being suffocated, captured, tormented, just like I was back then. I couldn't get through the whole thing. I asked for a second round of editing while still keeping my emotion and my writing style. There are many drug induced entries and it just broke MY heart to think I could have ever been so low.....and I did it to myself :(

But YOU all have lifted me up. I started youtube on January 3, 2007. I made videos to channel creativity. I made videos to entertain myself. I made videos to be happy. Never knowing that youtube would become such a big part of my life.....but much more, never knowing that complete strangers would become an extended part of my family.

I now have over 450,000 family members worldwide....my fishys!!!! My fishys are so supportive and loving....something I haven't experienced a lot in my real life. My dad was always a hard ass on me, trying to force me to do things his way and never listening to me growing up. My mom was more of a friend who was on the opposite end of the spectrum, showing not alot of guidance I so desperately needed in figuring out my life. My brother and sister so consumed with their own lives growing up, focused on school. In my family, I have always been known as the "loose cannon" and just last week my brother said to me, "who knew you'd be the one to have her life together" hahaha. I'm not 100% sure what that means, I think its more of just like, I KNOW what I want to do, I'm doing what I LOVE to do, I'm self sufficient and happy and really, literally LIVING MY DREAM. how many people can say that?

but no matter how much talent a person has, how much drive a person has, in the world of entertainment, your success is dependent upon your "fans"

now if you followed me for awhile you know I don't like the term "fans" because I don't feel like I do anything worthy of "fans". I don't sing or dance, I'm not an actress or a great writer, I'm just Trish. but alot of you have pointed out to me that the term "fan" can just mean admirer or supporter or both. You support what I'm doing and you admire something about me....and you know what, instead of fighting, I humbly accept that Trish has some "fans' hahaha. and I hope you know, I truly genuinely appreciate every single one of you....even the fishheads aka my haters.

When I go to bed at night, I pray for you all...that you may all find the happiness in life that you have brought to me. You have got me noticed by people who wouldn't have otherwise given me a second glance in Hollywood without the built in "fanbase".....

I know NONE of this would have been possible without YOU. and for continued success, I need YOU. so I only hope I can continue to entertain, inspired, encourage, etc anyway I possibly can because its truly what I LOVE.

its ironic that "The Stripper Diaries" video series on my youtube channel and now the book are my most popular. But now I'm beginning to see the real journey God has been putting me on from the beginning.

I went through ALOT of bullshit in my life, made MANY mistakes, and suffered the consequences. Now that I have a young group of girls' attention, I think its most important to be as real as I possibly can. If "The Stripper Diaries" is vulgar to you, I had to make it intense to convey the intensity of the real world of the sex industry, to sugar coat anything, would have been doing a disservice for my purpose right now. 

In conclusion, I am not a perfect person. I'm not extra special or extra ordinary. People often chastise me for being overtly sexual in nature or sometimes a tad crude for being a "role model". Well, I'll tell you this, I never asked to be a role model and if that title was thrusted upon me or girls think of me as one, then I want to be a role model because I am true to TRISH. I am myself and do not care no cave in to what people wish I was or want me to be. I dress too slutty for you? Don't look at me. I act too crazy for you? Don't watch me. 

THANK YOU.

theres just no way I'll ever be able to express the gratitude I have for each of you. there's no way I'll ever be able to pay back all the happiness you have brought to me. 

know that I am here for you. I do care for each of you as fans, followers, online friends, family, and human beings. 

THANK YOU.

for making "The Stripper Diaries" #1 on amazon

THANK YOU.

for loving me unconditionally, despite some of the outlandish things I do

THANK YOU.

for not juding.

THANK YOU.

for being there for me day after time.

THANK YOU.

for your support.

THANK YOU.

for your love.

THANK YOU.

for making my dreams a reality.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!! 

I sincerely do. and from the bottom of my heart I wish you nothing but love and happiness in your life. know that positivity feeds positivity. so keep spreading the love and it will all come back to you <3

xo

Trish




6 comments:

  1. ♡ you're so awesome Trish, THANK YOU and you're welcome haha :) I love all your vids, your first book and I can't wait to read your new book, I love you ƸӜƷ

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  2. Inlove watching your YT, there's very few people I could sit and listen to for 20 minutes about what they're hauling!!

    Congrats on the book sweetie, and that your life is being good to you.

    God bless from the other side of the pond.

    Lora
    Tansandtiaras.blogspot.co.uk

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  3. You are beautiful inside and out. Your confidence is inspiring.

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  4. U r the best writer....I really enjoy your point of view

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  5. I've just installed iStripper, so I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.

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  6. You might be eligible to receive a $1,000 Amazon Gift Card.

    ReplyDelete