Weapons of Mass DISTRACTION

this may not be my most insightful blog I've ever written but its whats on my mind right now...

so last night I went to CVS (drugstore/pharmacy here in America if you don't know) and I really just threw on some jeans and the sleep shirt I was already wearing cause it was late, threw my hair up in a top knot, and literally zero makeup and went. I felt almost embarrassed that I was going out in public like this....like I just felt so homeless and just not cute but I'm like whatever, I need toilet paper, milk, and chapstick and i need it NOW....you know?

let me tell you ladies, clearly THIS is the outfit/look you need to go for if you're looking for male attention haha.

okay, well maybe just any outfit without a bra but you catch my drift ;)

like I love attention from the opposite sex but not the crude and crass kind that comes from late night CVS shoppers. it was around 10 pm and not 1, not 2, but a total of FOUR different men followed me around and attempted to hit on me

Potential Suitor #1 - this guy kind of creeped me out from the beginning. I was in the Halloween candy aisle and I saw him coming up behind me, so I slowly started to make my way out of the aisle without being obvious that I'm leaving cause he joined that section. as I lingered to look at the crappy candy at the end, he said something like "what kind of candy are you getting"? ugh, eyeroll, I'm like, "I don't know just looking" and then he's all "are you single"? and me being a crazy ass just not having time for this I was like "YES. but I have 5 kids at home" hoping he would be turned off by this (he was probably like my age so I assumed that'd creep him out) but instead he was like, "thats cool, I'd love to meet them" BWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< whaaaa?!??! RED FLAG. who the fuck says I want to meet your 5 kids after a 1 minute conversation at the drugstore? I was like "Yeah, I just don't have any free time and my cell phone service just got shut off" and like that I QUICKLY creeped away. just fyi potential suitor #1 came back around like 10 minutes after this encounter and stalked me to the toilet paper section and said I had a "cute smile" and again, I quickly darted away. he found me AGAIN and asked me for a hug, I gave him one but never in my life has a hug ever made me feel dirtier. 

Potential Suitor #2 - okay so this guy was a drive by. like he literally zoomed in and zoomed out just as quick as I rejected him. I saw him perving out by taking weird cell phone pics of me while I was looking at the milk. he was being such a douche from the beginning. he came over and said "I like your shirt" eyeroll, again. I was like "thanks" he goes on "it looks like it fits you really well" and I'm like "haha thank you" and he then says "I was kidding, its super tight fitting" and then I was all, "oh haha, I didn't get it, I'm extremely tired" he asked for a hug and then he pushed right then and there for the number and I said, "sorry I'm married" and he just said "yeah right, whatever" and walked away <<<<<<<<<< DOUCHE

Potential Suitor #3 - this was Mr. Persistent. I had seen him a few times, non coincidentally walking around as well. he was on the phone but kept following me. still in the milk aisle, he comes over. he's a fit, black dude, nice skin, smells good, whatever. he was very handsome and polite. he actually TALKED to me for a good 5 or 6 minutes but then he asked for my number, I was like "i don't know" and he's like "I teach yoga, maybe you can come to a class" and I'm like, "Um I don't like to workout" and he said something SO rude, I can't remember what but he's like "well you should" or something like that. needless to say, I did not give him my number, I just said "I'm gonna go" and he's like yelling after me "IT WAS A JOKE" in the store, so embarrassing....in fact, one of the employees asked me if he was bothering me. ugh, he was now.

Potential Suitor #4 - winner winner chicken dinner. So this guy, unlike the others, was way more type. He was sweet and kind and middle aged. lol I think you can tell by the first 3 men why I don't prefer young boys, they're obnoxious and rude. so this guy, came over right when I was getting ready to check out. to be honest, I was a little rude to him because I kind of had had it at this point...can you blame me? like I literally felt like I was being molested and eye raped and was not really asking for it but whatever. so this guy started it out like a typical douche "I don't normally do this......." and whatever. he said he got off the phone so he could talk to me. he made eye contact the entire time. I was a little snotty and was like, "um, yeah you're like the 4th guy to come hit on me tonight, I get it, I'm not wearing a bra...." blah blah blah. but he went in for the home run, when he said, "no, its your face, you have like a perfect symmetrical face, its just so beautiful" <<<<<<<<<<< DING DING DING. that, gentlemen, is how you score with a chick. I totally gushed cause he was SUPER handsome, a jack wagner type, just so yum. needless to say we exchanged numbers. he actually asked for my email first if I felt comfortable, I said, let me just give you my card! hahahahah

SOOOO.....

point of this blog? not much other than, tits get you noticed. take from that what you will. if you want attention, show em....if you don't, you better duck tape those suckers down into a sportsbra and hide them under a sweatshirt and a wool jacket! 

oh men, such simple creatures, aren't they?

that was my monday night, how was yours?

;)

xo

Trish