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Thursday, March 20, 2014


do you ever wake up some mornings and just reflect on your life? I have these alot and there not always pleasant. Sometimes it's from bad dreams I've had of the past or uneasy dreams in general. But this morning I woke up from an uncomfortable dream and felt the opposite...felt relief.

I felt relieved that I was in my bed in California by myself. No torturous memories of my time in the midwest with people I didn't feel loved me. No boyfriend sleeping next to me fearful of if he was going to love me that day or be cruel to me. It was so nice to be alone in my bed in my safe place, my own apartment.

For so long, I shared places of living with people who didn't care about me. Who wanted to see me fail. I don't know what love is. It's a sad truth but I don't. I don't know the right way to love someone because everytime I've felt "love" it really was a superficial false feeling and not something genuine.

I'll tell you what I want love to be. I want love like the kind Jesus had for me when He died on the cross so that I could have eternal happiness in Heaven with our Father. I saw "Son of God" over the weekend and bawled my eyes out because Jesus loves me. 

This whole time, I thought no one has loved me but He has.

Now I just pray that I can hold on to this feeling of true love and seek it and give it the way it's suppose to be. God willing of course.

I don't need fake love from a man, or pretend love from family, I need true love. My Savior has loved me and now I want to love others the same way.

My heart is so pure right now. My body is healthy. And my being is thankful.

I live a blessed life, I know this. There is not a day goes by though that I don't THANK GOD for it all. It is all His doing. He gave me a second chance at life the way he gave the adultress a second chance when she was to be stoned.

When you think you've lost all hope in the world. When you think things will never get better. HAVE FAITH. When Jesus asked Peter to come towards him in the middle of the stormy seas, Peter was able to stand firm and walk on water until he lost his faith in which he fell under. DO NOT LOSE FAITH!!!!!! NEVER LOSE FAITH. if my testimony is not proof enough that God is forgiving, God is loving, and God will give you a miracle when you least expect it remember this...

JOHN 20: 29 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”


it's also important to remember we all have our crosses to bare as Jesus carried His own cross to His own crucifixion. suffering is a part of life which will get us to heaven. we must take our sufferings but never forget to lose our faith.

pray when things are tough. but also pray when things are great.

this morning, I was brought to tears on how I was in my own bed, in my own apartment, alone and free of judgement and worry. I had survived. I am alive.

I promise you, 4 years ago...I did not think I'd be on this earth. I didn't even want to be.

Thank you God for keeping me here and pulling me through.

My life is SO beautiful and wonderful now that I cry to think of the thought of NOT being here one day. I just want to keep living this life. with the people who care about me, who I care about. I want to keep living this life. doing what I love and helping others to love themselves and love their lives.


if you're reading this. I genuinely love you and want the best for you. I want you to reflect today. yes, maybe your mind will go to the bad parts of life and that's okay because you can reflect on how much better you are in the NOW. if you reflect to a better time, just think about how this suffering you're going through is going to lead you to an even greater life than even you could ever imagine.

I reflect on my life and I am so grateful. no matter what tomorrow holds, I am grateful in the now for what I have accomplished, for what I have survived, and what I will do. Mostly I'm grateful that God so loved me that He gave His only son to the world. He did it for you too.




just pray.

have faith.




  1. Wow!! I really needed to read this today. Thank you Trish for not only this blog entry but for being who you are. On some of my hardest days - your YouTube, twitter & Instagram has been my silver lining. You're awesome - never change!!!!

  2. Awesome blog! This is my favorite Trish! love youuu

  3. definitely needed this today. hope you have a great day. i am here if you need me dear trisha.

  4. Thank u for sharing this Trisha

  5. What beautifully written words trisha! You ARE loved! And I totally agree...As long as we feel our gods love and keep faith...we can love ourselves and love others with more compassion and empathy. I am thankful u r happy and healthy! U deserve it! Just like all of God's children! :) my favorite thing to remind myself is tattooed on my right wrist, so I can see it when I journal (that's how I reflect)...THIS TOO, SHALL PASS! Thank you for these beautiful words and reminder to never lose faith! Sending u a ton of love and u r steady in my prayers! Xo kisses

  6. Who is jesus? He does not exist. I like your blog , your videos and you. I also dont want oo offend. I have one question; when you say jesus has faith in you and he loves you etc are you aware that he does not exist and therefore how can someone who doesnt exist "love" you? im just confused.

  7. My imaginary friend loves me too, but at least Jawb the Immaculate lets me know when I'm going to spell "reflections" incorrectly in my URL.

  8. Very beautiful and inspiring Trisha. I think everyone needs to feel loved and Jesus loves everyone so much. He gave His life for us so we could live. <3 God bless you.

  9. When I watched your video online, Trish... I just, cried, and cried along with you. I mean, I can't even express how much I think you and I are on the same page. Forever... I kind of thought that the people around me were in either that, I guess "goody-two-shoes-and-I-love-God-and-blah-blah-blah" phase, or in that rut where they don't even care. And really until now, after watching you, I know now that there are so many people who have the same issues I have. Because, God DOES love you now matter what. and it's all you will ever truly need, and I love that!!! Because... (its been a few months since I realized this) I know now, that I don't need anybody in my love, all except for God. And I could be homeless on the side of the road. I could be a tool of human trafficking. Or I could even be dead in my backyard, and no one will ever know. We as humans are so empty and so hungry for love, that we will do anything in our power to get it. And I don't think that we realize, in doing that, we harm each other.... We abuse, and hate, and punish each other for something that most don't even know is real. Because no man or woman, can EVER hope to love you as much as God does. Their love will never satisfy you, or console you in the way God does. And I know this now, and its so beautiful!!! That I, a worthless shell of a being, lower than dirt... am actually loved by a God. And I say a God, because its a reminder for me on how amazing that love is. Because any great love story always has some sort of forbidden romance. But how amazing is it that one actually exists? I am a being of pure sin and evil, but the idea that a deity, that THE deity died for me even though it should have been impossible.... its just so full of passion. That you and I will one day be brides of God, even though we are as ugly as it gets, but he still wants us...and never stops wanting us, because he is a jealous God. And he doesn't want any demon or false king to toy with our unknowing hearts. And that's what makes me so "awkwardly passionate" to this day. I could be dating every guy in sight, but really... I'm turning sixteen, and never even had a fling, let alone a relationship, but knowing now how much I'm loved RIGHT NOW...makes
    me passionate enough to not even want ANY essence of earthly love. And now after seeing you, it almost seems as if you feel the same way to! And it makes me just so happy!!

    I don't know much of your past or present Trisha. I don't know what your going through or wanting, but you and God are my role models. To me you are the poster girl, of the Bride of Christ...and I now look so a forward to meeting you one day in heaven. But even though your Catholic, and I'm Christian. I don think our personal faiths have any differences what so ever. Because in the end, it's all about your inner passion for God's unending love. And I see that passion in you, as if it was tattooed on your forehead.

    Your a beauty, and a queen Trisha... and I just hope and pray that you see that in yourself each and every day.

  10. yes!!!! I thank God for His revelation of His love to you!!! Once you know it, there is nothing in this world that you will love more. It is pure, warm, sincere, not earned. And i pray that God would bring people in your life who are genuine people to grow with. That the Lord will guard your heart from people's judgments and condemnations; that is NOT HIS voice, he does not cast stones! He is tender and patient, a total gentleman. He loves you, he will continually pursue you, and he wants to heal every broken piece of your heart so you can finally know what its like to be truly loved and free. You are His princess, total royalty. That is aweesome, glad you shared!!!! Love ya dearly!!!

  11. I have you in my prayer list Trisha.Just remember God is with you, loves you, and is watching you.Solutions to all the problems in your heart are in the bible, King James version.

    King James version: 2 Timothy 3:16-17, Joshua 1:8, 1 Peter 2:2-3
    Oh, and this too..

  12. Guess what, your flying spaghetti monster aka "god" and his son meatball "Jesus" is not real. Focus on therapy, stop wasting your time and energy on something that is not real. Only you control your life. I am sick of people prying for things, you do things for yourself take the credit instead of thinking its some sky god who is paying attention to purely you. idiots. Feed in some more to the propaganda, I was raised catholic even went to catholic school, we did studied the bible, and the nuns and pastors wanted us to know the bible more then learning to actually read. You must be a weak individual if you have to have faith in something that is not real to get you through it all. Only YOU have the power to change your life and forgive yourself, god will not do anything because he is not real. I am here for a reason to laugh at you and leave this comment it is part of MY PLAN to leave this comment and hopefully others whom agree will thumbs this up, but you may say I am here to strengthen your "belief" when in reality you need psychological treatment. Wake up Trish before it is too late. "The beauty that is god" hahahaha listen to yourself, you just don't want to take credit for your own success. Go become a nun, oh wait your just gonna post a sexualized video and how to clean up cum in a week or two... Fuck off 

    1. Just because somebody does something you don't like...does not mean you have to be so rude about it! If this makes her happy, then why not let her be happy? You have your own ways of finding happiness... so just be glad that she's finally realized something, and now wants to pursue it. You can blab all you want about how "stupid" she is, or whatever... but at least she wants to change! If anything, be happy for her! Cause right now, I'm sure she feels a lot happier and proud of herself than you do.

    2. Another thing, if all you do is comment on blogs to bring them down. Then why are you even here? If you don't have anything nice to say to her (or anybody for that matter) then wake up and log out. Because people like you need to remember to put others first, and think about how they feel. So stop your complaining and leave her alone. She's never done anything to you.

    3. Well, her post is still up, so I guess you'll
      have to live with not making a difference, troll.

    4. That is so f-ing rude, if that’s not already obvious. I don’t believe in God either, yet I don’t go around preaching stuff like what you wrote here. Preaching works both ways, not just religious people who do it btw. And just because someone is famous doesn’t mean you have the right to say what you want behind a screen. It’s still a person behind the posts. Why would you care what someone you don’t even know does anyway? If you don’t like someone’s videos, don’t watch them. It’s quite simple. If it doesn’t affect you why can’t you just let them live? Or if you really have a problem with someone take it up with them, not post immature comments like this.

  13. Hi trisha, thankyou for your most inspirational, sincere words. Reading this post and watching your youtube vidoe brought tears to my eyes. I am a mother of two from australia, its 4am in the morning and going through a rough patch. Your reflection found me at the right time. Its bizzare, cause I was searching for makeup tutorials and stumbled across this instead. Thanking you and God bless.

  14. Hey Trish, I have something to share
    with you. I really believe the Lord
    wants me to talk to you have
    an email??? If you don't want to share
    it...heres mine:

  15. Such a lovely post, Trish. I was directed here by your YouTube video. A couple of days ago I was feeling real down about myself. I prayed to God and asked him, "God, are you even listening to me? If you are, can you please give me a sing, anything, just let me know you are here with me and that everything is going to be ok." Today I jumped on YouTube and the first things I saw was your video. Some people may think that sounds crazy but God talks to us in many different ways. Your video was God's sign to me. He is listening. He does hear my prayers. You yourself said in your video that if we were watching it was a reason. All I can say now is Thank You.

  16. Trish, I have just recently stumbled across your channel and blog and I absolutely adore how open and honest about your past you are and how you chose to move forward despite the challenges you had to face. You are such a strong, wonderful human being and I admire you for it!

  17. Excellent choice of words. It was very inspirational and relatable. So let me catch all that love and throw it right back 'atcha pretty lady.