"so take a good look at my face. you'll see my smile looks out of place. if you look closer it's easy to trace, the tracks of my tears..."
wow. I thought I was "over him" but I'm not.
with each day, it does not get easier but worse. the heartache I'm feeling now that all my friends have gone home and I'm alone in bed is so intense it feels like it will never cease.
I try to convince myself he's not worth it. why am I spending so much of my FUCKING time thinking about a guy who doesn't give one single fuck about me to at least explain why he disappeared into thin air.
I was even starting to give him the benefit of the doubt. MAYBE something intense did happen to him or his family that he could not get to his devices or was not checking them due to more important personal issues. I was trying to give him outs to explain his behavior.
then I checked his twitter. he followed another person :( his twitter count went up and I was crushed
well, I was relieved he was alive.
but crushed because he really is just avoiding ME.
what did I do? a year of a relationship with each other and he just disappears? no explanation. I just want to know why. if it's nothing I did, I want to know. if it's something I did, I want to know. I need closure and peace of mind. how cruel can one person be?
I'm so confused and lost
one week he loved me, the next he falls off the face of the earth, blocks me from his phone...and apparently his life.
I am crying, wincing, and shaking from this agony.
NEVER love someone who cannot or will not love you back. do NOT, under any circumstances develop feelings for someone who does not return the same feelings, IT WILL DESTROY YOU MENTALLY.
tomorrow is Sunday, I pray for peace to get through this night as I know tomorrow the Lord will replenish my soul and reset my mind for a positive and healthy week ahead of me.
but for now, I sulk.
I can't help it.
this is not fair.