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Saturday, March 29, 2014

I thought I was Over Him...but I'm not


"so take a good look at my face. you'll see my smile looks out of place. if you look closer it's easy to trace, the tracks of my tears..."

wow. I thought I was "over him" but I'm not.

with each day, it does not get easier but worse. the heartache I'm feeling now that all my friends have gone home and I'm alone in bed is so intense it feels like it will never cease.

I try to convince myself he's not worth it. why am I spending so much of my FUCKING time thinking about a guy who doesn't give one single fuck about me to at least explain why he disappeared into thin air.

I was even starting to give him the benefit of the doubt. MAYBE something intense did happen to him or his family that he could not get to his devices or was not checking them due to more important personal issues. I was trying to give him outs to explain his behavior.

then I checked his twitter. he followed another person :( his twitter count went up and I was crushed

well, I was relieved he was alive.

but crushed because he really is just avoiding ME.

what did I do? a year of a relationship with each other and he just disappears? no explanation. I just want to know why. if it's nothing I did, I want to know. if it's something I did, I want to know. I need closure and peace of mind. how cruel can one person be?

I'm so confused and lost

one week he loved me, the next he falls off the face of the earth, blocks me from his phone...and apparently his life.

I am crying, wincing, and shaking from this agony.

NEVER love someone who cannot or will not love you back. do NOT, under any circumstances develop feelings for someone who does not return the same feelings, IT WILL DESTROY YOU MENTALLY.

tomorrow is Sunday, I pray for peace to get through this night as I know tomorrow the Lord will replenish my soul and reset my mind for a positive and healthy week ahead of me.

baby steps.

but for now, I sulk.

I can't help it.

this is not fair. 

45 comments:

  1. Feel better Trisha. You deserve so much better. U are an amazing person. I wish I could have a friend like you.

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  2. Maybe he had a girlfriend? Or wife he wasn't telling you about and they found out? I remember you saying this was a long distance relationship? Doesnt seem like that would be to far out of the realm of reality..

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  3. sorry to hear about that dear trisha. he did not deserve you and you definitely didnt deserve what he did to you. just remember im here if you want to talk or just vent. i am sure it will at least help somewhat. contact me anytime dear trisha.

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  4. I hope you feel better! Everything will be fine in the end and if its not better then its not the end :) <3

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  5. Yeah feel better. Maybe a vacation is in order to get your mind on something fun. A girls weekend.

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  6. He knew that he loved you and he didn't want it from the start so he got scared. It scared the shit out of him. Better for you in the end though, because you'll be able to realize (in time) that he really wasn't worth it and that his state of mind is still much too immature for all the woman that you are!

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  7. Trisha I feel your heart ache and trust me I know the feeling..he was probably brought into your life for a reason and there is the right true person for you..have faith and be strong..put your heart in something for you that will make you grow as a woman not as some girl..I believe in you gf..

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  8. Oh baby girl :(
    Keep your chin up. I know how you feel. As awful as it sounds, you have to endure the pain. Filling up your schedule to avoid feeling is only a temporary fix. You have to ride the wave of hurt and pick yourself back up. There are no excuses for his behaviour. Love does not cause such anguish. You will have plenty of reasons to smile again. xo

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  9. Trisha, I know the feeling & we all go through horrible break ups. But I truly believe everything will work out in your favor. You're too beautiful to stress :) time heals all wounds and before you know it the PERFECT guy will come your way. Stay Strong!

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  10. I've been there and it was b/c of my husband...so I know the MISERY you feel. I wish I could talk to you for hours on the phone to ease your heart & mind, I love helping...even if it's just to listen. But for now I'll stay in the shadows as a subscriber who cares...Let God take your hand and guide you...love you xoxo

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  11. I agree with Justeen. It sounds like he did get a girlfriend, and she is not comfortable with him talking to you. So he blocked you in his phone, so if and when you called HE wouldn't get in trouble. Also, he is probably embarrassed and being a little bit cowardly and not wanting to tell YOU the truth about her, and having you dislike him or think bad of him because he was dating someone seriously behind your back. Because like he told you, he didn't want anything serious, so by him taking another girl serious he knows that that would hurt you and he doesn't want to rise up to the plate and tell you the truth. My advice would be to reach out to him and get to the bottem of this. You need closure! Contact him on email, if he blocked you on that just create a new one, and tell him straight up. Don't dump everything on him like "your breaking my heart". DO NOT UNLOAD YOUR FEELINGS JUST YET. Just tell him "Hey what's going on with you, why haven't you contacted me. If you don't want me in your life you could atleast have the respect to tell me" and see what he says. It's the only way you'll get the truth and find out if you need to move on and forget about him. If he is just being a asshole then it will make you move on quicker and atleast you'll have closure instead of wondering "why" all day. Good luck Hun. Stay strong.

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  12. Omfg! This same situation happened to me just out of no where ! & I just had to move on & by moving on I met my love of my life after getting over the Houdini wannabe! By that I mean the expert at disappearing ! But trish you will DEFINATELY find the right one he will come to you && you will know the feelings are true when it happens stay strong love<3

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  13. So sorry trish. I myself am going through a very hard breakup. Guys suck. And I know I should say the same to myself, but you deserve better. You deserve a guy who will love you and always be there. Who
    Will be your best friend. And I know it's hard to believe when people say this,
    But everything happens for a reason. I still don't see the reason for my situation. But I hope you do.

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  14. I would follow the advice from all the other commenters. I can't put it into any better words than what these people are saying. Maybe you could book a day of relaxation at a spa and pamper yourself with a massage or something. We are all here for you & praying that the right man will walk into your life and swoop you off your feet permanently. Until then, keep trying to make ends meet. Everything will fall into place. I have faith that it will. :-)

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  15. I wish you well dear Trisha. You are a wonderful human being and deserve all the love in this world. May your soul find peace.

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  16. I know exactly how you feel Trish, the very same thing happened to me. It's been a year since his disappearance, from my life at least because he's very much alive, but still I ask myself the same questions like what was it that I did? Did something bad happen or more important than me. . It doesn't get any better. Just worse knowing there's people out there that could hurt another human being in such a painful way, because I believe there's nothing more painful than being ignored. We'll get through it girl, we're warriors! Love from Chicago! ����

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  17. Keep your head up trish! ♥ ya!

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  18. Dear Trisha, I've been there before my boyfriend and I ended on my birthday. I know how you felt he left me with no words and nothing to say. Later i came back to school and was going through my timeline on Facebook and there he was safe from harm with another girl sitting on his lap. I wasn't upset i was actually pleased because finally i was over him. He never loved me because if he loved me he would never even left me. I know how you feel. But you shouldn't be upset because he's out there in the world not giving a damn so you shouldn't either. Your the best girl he's ever had and ever going to get because you have a beautiful heart i love your videos and sense of humor. I know you'll find someone that's worth your time. Someones out there for you just stop looking and God will bring him in your life. When one door closes another one opens

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  19. Trish I know the feeling , some guys are cruel. But I'll guarantee you he'll come back to you with some bullshit ass excuse of why he left , and that's where you'll get you closure , by telling him to kiss your ass

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  20. Trisha, I'm sorry you are so heartbroken. I will pray for God to heal your broken heart and bring peace to you mentally. God bless!

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  21. Keep your head up trish you are beautiful inside and out. Your going through a rough time and I just wish you the best. ������

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  22. I know it's hard but this just means you haven't found your soul mate yet. One day you will and these guys who broke your heart will mean nothing to you. I promise.

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  23. Praying for you my love. One of my favorite quotes is, "tis better to have loved and lost than to not love at all." I know it's hard now but remember that God is with you always and has plans for you to prosper and find joy. Keep seeking Him and I'm telling you the right guy will come just when you need him most. Love ya girl! <3

    XOXO, CiCi

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  24. Be glad it was only a year. Same thing happened to me in January. But I was with this guy for 5 yrs. But I finally found out what happened and he met a girl that had been living with him since Christmas.

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  26. I'm so sorry trisha I know how you feel well I did almost a year ago when I found someone online and I still to this day don't know what happened but I got over it and I found who I deserve and who loves me. We are engaged now and are planning on getting married soon . I have been watching your videos since the beginning and I know you will find your true love some day I don't think you are the kind of girl to give up so don't give up it will happen -angie

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  27. Who was it? Let's name and shame him !!!

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  28. Sorry you would have to experience something like that but do understand its his loss!! Never assume there's something wrong with you because some guys are good at pretending to be a man but when things get serious or should I say when it's time to step up and be a man for real the pretenders always disappear. You're a beautiful woman and from what I gather you're intelligent as well, so, don't trip over the situation because I garuntee you could have your pic of any REAL MAN!! Be patient he is on his way in search of you!! Have a beautiful and blessed day... ����

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  29. Also, with men we tend to make a situation worse by running away or lying because our logic is we're trying to save our women from heartache or pain not knowing that it would hurt even more by lying or just running away, when, all we have to do is be honest and give that woman a chance to make her own choice instead of us making it for her..

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  30. It's happened to me too. I was in shock. He came back later and said he just got scared (after he made me feel like it was something I did). Either way, it pisses me off when people say "well he wasn't the one. Get over it." Duh, let me be human a second.

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  31. I've been through the same exact thing. Just keep yourself busy and be careful who you trust. :/

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  32. Trisha,
    I love everything you do so much. You are so entertaining and you seem very down to Earth. You have a big heart and a contagious laugh. I love that you embrace your body and I try my hardest to be more like you in that way. I just wanted to share my little insight on this situation.
    1. It doesn't sound like this guy walked away because you did something right now. It sounds like he's been using you as entertainment when he was bored and maybe found a new toy for a while. I would encourage you not to let him have any more of you. You deserve better.
    2. I think that you should be allowed to dress however you like, but I'm concerned that the way you dress is giving off the wrong vibes. I was always told to dress for what I wanted. Not to advertise what's not for sale. According to your recent videos, you're trying to be celibate and with the clothes you wear, gorgeous as you are, you're not telling men you are celibate. So I would caution you that maybe you're not attracting the right kind of guys, the guys who will treat you like the princess you are. The guy you deserve is out there Trish. Don't give up. You'll look back one day and laugh at all this stupid heartache. Hang in there girl.

    Sincerely,
    Kaila (herheartherhome.com)

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  33. Trisha, I don't know if you'll ever read this, but I hope you will. I've also had my heart broken, 2 years ago. I was completely crazy in love with him, he was everything I ever wanted and that period was the happiest I've ever been in my life. He made me believe that I will be happy, that life is beautiful and that I deserve to be loved (something I never thought was true). He broke my heart, he shattered it into pieces. I was suicidal, because with all the problems that I had in my life, he was the only thing I held onto. I forgot all of my problems and I was truly happy for the first time in my life after I met him. The things I've gone through in the period after he broke my heart, I don't even want to talk about. I can only tell you that my life had no meaning, I didn't value it at all, there was no joy in it, because the last piece of joy was gone. I was good enough, I wasn't beautiful or attractive enough, my personality was boring and I was a boring person. Those were the thoughts that completey ouccpied my mind for a long time after what he did to me. It took me 2 years to finally feel like I've moved on. What I would advise to you is to get out of your house. Even if you feel like you don't want to, get out, move away from those 4 walls and loneliness because it will eat you alive. Go somewhere everyday, during the day, spend time with your sister and family or even alone. Walk, go shopping, jog, do whatever! Just don't be alone in your room, crying and looking at his pictures on your computer.. cause that's what I did for a very long time and I was falling deeper and deeper in this deep black hole that is known as depression. I would force myself to get out even when I didn't feel like going out. I've helped myself. Occupy your mind and body with something as much as you can. Read books, clean your house, start going to pilates or maybe even yoga to calm your mind. Good luck! You will get over him, slowly. It takes time but it will happen eventually. And him.. There will always be people like him, both men and women. Who will break someones heart without even giving the explanation which is one of the worst and most disrespectful things you can do to another human being. And there's nothing you can do about it.
    I hope you'll be able to move on soon and maybe take into consideration my advices.. You deserve to be happy and loved and you will be!
    Kisses!

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  34. I don't know if you'll ever see this but .... Don't let them get you down. I am going through a very similar thing right now with a guy that went from wanting to see and be with me everyday to disappearing with no explanation at all. I've tried to ask what happened and like your situation was told I did nothing wrong. Which is exactly right, you did NOTHING wrong. Don't be hard on yourself. Surround yourself with people who love and care for you. I kno it's difficult but try your best to keep your mind off of it. I still find myself at night thinking about what I can do to get back to how we used to be. It's not up to you to fix it. If he cared he would be making an effort to keep you in his life. If he's not making the effort he's not worth it. It hurts more than anything, believe me I kno. It should get easier. You are amazing and I love the fact that you share this stuff with your fans. I find that I am going through so many of the same things as you and it helps me realize that I'm not the problem, just like you're not the problem. It's others. Don't let them get you down. You are beautiful, kind hearted and a very amazing person. Smiles :D

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  35. Trish I cant tell you how much I can relate with you at times, I feel your pain girl , men this day and age just don't care :( PLEASE take care hunni <3

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  36. I feel you bb and I hope you find something to balance things out. <3

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  37. You can call him with a hidden id no matter if he blocked you,and he still receives messages too,like texts,I would definitely be angry and try to get an answer no matter what,if he did had another woman maybe she needs to know the class of asshole he is anyways,don't let him get away that easily,he has to stand up and be a man,assume your behavior ass.

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  38. poor trish... I've been there, believe me! i'd find his pathetic ass and give him a couple kicks.. but, you know... that's just me ;)

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  39. Time will heal everything. This is God's way showing you that he is no good for you, and that a better man will come into your life. Everything happens for a reason. Plus you are loved by many people that are complete strangers, and that should make you realize that you are such an amazing, inspiring, influential, beautiful, and flawless person inside and out. Any man would kill to have your attention.

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  40. Poor sweet Trisha. No matter how it plays out, he is an asshole. Fortunately you have discovered this and are free to find somebody that deserves you. You don't' have to worry about finding him. He will find you. The universe knows how much love you have to give.

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  41. Trish, I hope you read this. Having watched your videos, I feel like you are someone that has a lot to offer. Although some people make criticisms about how you dress and how that is the case of you attracting a certain type of men I beg to differ. I actually think that how you dress is only an indication of how strong you are as a woman who is so sure of herself and her own identity. It's nice to see someone beautiful flaunt what they have, and that is exactly what you should do.

    You have such a beautiful energy about you. I know that right now you are going through a rough patch feeling lots of self doubt, but your perfection video is spot on. Being perfect, being beautiful, and most of all, being different IS and always will be a lonely road. All you can do now is think about how you can become a better person from this. Make this a start of a new beginning. The Trisha whom he had left heartbroken and confused is a Trisha that no longer exists! Keep strong xxx

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